RED

RED

Running time: 111 minutes

Summary: When his idyllic life is threatened by a high-tech assassin, former black-ops agent Frank Moses reassembles his old team in a last ditch effort to survive.


Review: We have officially entered my absolute favorite time of the year! Awards season!! For those of you not in the know, the start of awards season means that I can download DVD quality of movies that are just in the theatre and in some cases, even before they are out in the theatre. RED was one of these releases.

Let me start by saying, possibly repetitively that I have a serious hard on for Bruce Willis, apparently even as he plays a retiree as he does in this movie. This movie boasts an all star cast of "old" favorites. Each one was perfectly chosen to play their role and don't let you down as they deliver performances that are extremely well done, if not a little campy at times.

I would not necessarily have chosen Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren for an action movie but their calm and collected demeanor are exactly what you would expect from former CIA agents that are "RED" or "Retired and Extremely Dangerous".

The movie moves quickly and I found myself laughing aloud at some of the dialogue. It introduces the characters carefully and although there are many of them to get to know, I thought that you were provided with just enough background to make them relatable but not too much that it slowed down the story. The movie was a well done, light-hearted delight with a talented ensemble cast.

Best quote: Marvin Boggs -"Why are you trying to kill me?"
                  Frank Moses -"Like why would I be trying to kill you?"
                  Marvin Boggs - "Because last time we met I tried to kill you."
                  Frank Moses - "That was a long time ago."
                  Marvin Boggs - "Some people hold on to things like that."

Rating: 8.5/10 nestability

Tell-Tale

Tell-Tale

Running time: 92 minutes

Summary: In Providence, a husband and wife die in a botched robbery; we see flickers of his last memories. His heart goes to Terry Bernard, a single father raising a girl with a rare degenerative disease. After the operation, Terry has flashes of memory from the last moments of the dead donor's life. Then, he recognizes one of the donor's killers and follows him into an alley. Within days, Terry becomes an unwilling avenger, with a police detective on his trail. Meanwhile, he begins a romance with his daughter's doctor, his moods complicated by memory flashes, the donor's deepening presence in both Terry's mind and body, and the unexplained bond among the donor's killers. Can this end well?

Review: Somehow this movie slipped beneath my radar and I discovered it after a desperate scrounge on my hard drive for something that we haven't seen yet. And what a wonderful surprise!

Tell-Tale was such a nice little treat. Not too long obviously, and full of familiar faces and plot twists to keep you interesting for it's duration. Josh Lucas does a pretty good job of carrying this movie as our antagonizing protagonist, surprising because the only other thing I remember him in was Sweet Home Alabama (upon further investigation I discovered that I would also have seen him in timeless classics such as Stealth and the 2006 remake of Poseidon).

Anyway, if you find yourself at your local video store and think you have seen everything worth seeing, pick up this little number.

Rating: 7/10 nestability

The Last Airbender

The Last Airbender

Running Time: 97 minutes

Summary: Air, Water, Earth, Fire. Four nations tied by destiny when the Fire Nation launches a brutal war against the others. A century has passed with no hope in sight to change the path of this destruction. Caught between combat and courage, Aang (Noah Ringer) discovers he is the lone Avatar with the power to manipulate all four elements. Aang teams with Katara (Nicola Peltz), a Waterbender, and her brother, Sokka (Jackson Rathbone), to restore balance to their war-torn world.

Review: How can a director making amazing actor so bad?? M. Night Shyamalan is possibly the worst thing that has happened to the movie industry since James Cameron's ego.

This movie was totally and completely BRUTAL. The story was obviously there but the execution was sooooooo bad! The acting was horrible, characters lacked any sort of depth or believability. Even the action sequences did nothing to redeem this D-grade production from the infinitely disappointing Shyamalan. The worst bit was the kid that plays the long awaited Avatar. It was just pitiful. They should have shaved Dakota Fanning's head and put her in the role instead.

Rating: 2.3/10 nestability

Best Quotes: Me - "Shut up Slumdog, go back to your shit hut in India and stop wasting my time."

Knight and Day

Knight and Day

Running Time: 102 minutes

Summary: June Havens finds her everyday life tangled with that of a secret agent who has realized he isn't supposed to survive his latest mission. As their campaign to stay alive stretches across the globe, they soon learn that all they can count on is each other.

Review: Every once in a while I am able to be completely surprised by a movie. I know, shocked, I am judgemental, but for the most part, it's pretty accurate. I was curious about this movie but because of my preexisting dislike for Cameron Diaz, I wasn't planning on giving this one much of a chance.

Well, I was very happy to be mistaken.

The movie is completely enjoyable! A very carefully calculated mish-mash of action/thriller and romantic comedy! Tom Cruise's character is charming, refreshingly honest and exciting. Even, Cameron Diaz is surprisingly funny and entertaining. They even managed to hold the cheese at bay until right at the end, where it seeps in and I find myself back to eye-rolling and heavy sighing and Cameron Diaz's dumb ass.

Anyhoo, a perfect date movie.

Best Quote: Milner - "Nobody follow us or I kill myself and then her! "

Rating: 8/10 nestability

Salt

Salt

Running Time: 99 minutes

Summary: Evelyn Salt is a CIA agent and highly respected by all, including her boss, Ted Winter. Out of the blue, a Russian spy walks into their offices and offers a vital piece of information: the President of Russia will be assassinated during his forthcoming visit to New York City to attend the funeral of the recently deceased U.S. Vice President. The name of the assassin: Evelyn Salt. Concerned about the safety of her husband, who she cannot contact, she goes on the run. Winter refuses to accept that she is a mole or a double agent but her actions begin to raise doubts. Just who is Evelyn Salt and what is she planning?

Review: The only way that I am going to get that 99 minutes back is if it Doc Brown shows up in his Delorian. What a waste.

The only thing more predictable than the story of this movie was the fact that from within the first 10 minutes I knew that this was going to be a massive waste of my time and snacks. If I wanted to watch a show where I knew exactly what was coming next, I would have re-runs of the Deadliest Catch, at least then I would have been entertained.

Although it was predictable, the story had some potential. Unfortunately it was poorly done, poorly acted and poorly cast. Stick with what you know Angelina, go expand your troupe of unwanted rug rats, pretty soon you will be able to compete with Duggar's for largest family of neglected and indistinguishable brats.

And maybe I am superficial, but when an actor wears a bad wig in a movie and pretends that it's real hair, I can't get past it! It distracts me the entire time, and Angelina wears some brutal wigs!

Best Quote: Evelyn Salt - "I'm not a goddamn Russian spy." (No, what she is is a bad f**cking actor)

Rating: 4/10 nestability

Get Him to the Greek

Get Him to the Greek

Running Time: 1 hour and 49 minutes

Summary: Aaron Greenberg (Hill) gets things done. The ambitious 23-year-old has exaggerated his way into a dream job just in time for a career-making assignment. His mission: Fly to London and escort a rock god to L.A.s Greek Theatre for the first-stop on a $100-million tour. His warning: Turn your back on him at your own peril. British rocker Aldous Snow (Brand) is both a brilliant musician and walking sex. Weary of yes men and piles of money, the former front man is searching for the meaning of life. But that doesn't mean he cant have a few orgies while he finds it. When he learns his true love is in California, Aldous makes it his quest to win her back right before kick-starting his world domination.

Review: Well yet another hilarious release from the genius that brought you Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Although this movie doesn't have the polish or mainstream appeal of either film, it offers a hilarious repertoire of comedy genius. I mean, you just can't expect just anyone to enjoy a well timed "dildo in the face" joke.

Russell Brand is hilarious as Aldous Snow and although a movie starring this character would be way too much, Jonah Hill makes a brilliant foil for his non-stop partying. Even P-Diddy or Puff Daddy or Sean Combs or whatever the f**k his name is was hilarious in it! Some of the best lines in this movie were his alone! Even Rose Byrne and Elisabeth Moss, two actresses known for playing more serious roles lend themselves well delivering their carefully crafted dialogue with precision and perfect comic timing.

Anyway, great movie, if you have any appreciation for the direction that comedy is currently heading in, don't miss this movie!

Best Quotes: Sergio Roma - "You can't outrun me! I'm black!"

Sergio Roma - "Do you have any ideas how many Air Jordans six black kids wear?"

Rating: 8.5/10 nestability

Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D

Running Time: 83 minutes

Summary: Every year the population of sleepy Lake Victoria explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 for Spring Break, a riot of sun and drunken fun. But this year, there's something more to worry about than hangovers and complaints from local old timers; a new type of terror is about to be cut loose on Lake Victoria. After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the areas new razor-toothed residents.

Review: Nothing says ladies night like a 3D horror movie, right? Well that is apparently what it says to my group of girlfriends. A spur of the moment decision to brave the Saturday night crowd at my local cineplex could have ended extremely poorly. As luck would have it, we got our tickets quickly, there was no line for snacks and we got perfect seats in the near empty theatre! One would think that it was destined! It was meant to be! This movie is going to be a perfect cap to this evening!

Nope.

Piranha 3D is a colorful romp in the world of topless co-eds swimming in piranha infested waters. It covers all the bases: copious amounts of fake boobs, full frontal nudity, lesbian underwater ballet, gratuitous violence and gore, totally cheesy one liners. Everything that one needs to entertain oneself! And all in 3D!!

I understand that this movie was supposed to be a parody. Everything about it is campy and cheesy. But I mean seriously? Aren't we, as the movie going public, better than this? Thinking about the story (I use the word loosely) later, I realized that they really did have every opportunity to make it awesome. They could have simplified the story, focused more on the main characters instead of just creating characters so we paid attention when they died later. I think that they tried too hard to make this movie a joke and forgot that people were actually paying to see this.

Don't watch this movie unless you are super hung over.

Sidebar: I have yet to see a 3D movie before. My boyfriend is colorblind and the previous 3D technologies do not work for colorblind people and we have yet to test out the new technology, but WOW! It was awesome! The 3D floating dick was an especially nice touch. Now I know why people like Avatar! They were so distracted by how cool it looked that they forgot that the entire story was stolen from Fergully: The Last Rainforest!

Best Quote: Derrick Jones [last words] "Wet t-shirt... wet t-shirt!"

Rating: 5.5/10 nestability

The New Daughter

The New Daughter

Running Time: 108 minutes

Summary: John James is a writer; his wife has left him. He moves with his two middle-school children to an isolated house off a dirt road in South Carolina. The property has an Indian burial mound, which fascinates his daughter, Louisa, who's entering puberty. Strange things: noises on the roof and in the woods, the cat missing, Luisa sleepwalking clutching a straw doll no one's seen before. She visits the mound often, staying late, coming home covered with mud. John's younger son, Sam, is frightened. John learns the house has a history and seeks out the previous owner. Louisa's behavior becomes more bizarre. Is there an explanation? An ant farm and a missing babysitter provide clues.

Review: For the past month, my dear friend Chantal has been in town. Like me, Chantal is a lover of all things scary but especially zombies. Since she has been here, we have been indulging in all manner of B-grade horror movie. After a movie trifecta afternoon of Vacancy 2: The First Cut, House and House of the Devil (stay tuned for their reviews), three of the worst horror movie I have ever seen, you can imagine my relief when a larger budget horror movie starring a well know, if not completely brutal celebrity came up on my horror movie radar.

The movie was surprisingly good! (or maybe my standards are just lower?) A story that is predictable but quite original. The "bad guys" in the movie are only revealed in glimpses until the climax of the movie, which goes a long way to contribute to the creepiness of the movie. This movie doesn't rely on the cheap scares the way that has become common in so many mainstream movies (okay maybe there is one or two) but instead let's a discreet movement in the bushed or a completely terrifying scream (Chantal thinks they were possum screams) fuel your imagination.

The lovely little Ivana Baquero from Pan's Labyrinth is the daughter in question and although her American accent is weird, she has mastered the art of the blank, creepy stare and thusly works for me! Samantha Mathis makes a quick appearance as a school teacher, she was alright but I have a hard time forgetting the fact that I have seen her boobs. And as I indicated earlier, Kevin Costner (Kev-Kev) is brutal. Go back to Waterworld, man.

Rating: 6.5 nestability out of 10

Splice

Splice

Running Time: 104 minutes

Summary: Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism. Named "Dren", the creature rapidly develops from a deformed female infant into a beautiful but dangerous winged human-chimera, who forges a bond with both of her creators - only to have that bond turn deadly.

Review: I am an avid reader of imdb.com and check it pretty much every day. I caught a glimpse of some of the screenshots from Splice there a couple months ago and was anxiously awaiting it's release, even to a point where I considered going to the theatre to check it out (a rarity for me). I love Sarah Polley and although Adrian Brody's nostrils creep me out, he is a very talented man, throw in a dash of sci-fi and I was hooked.

Although Splice had many components that made it very appealing to me, it failed to do anything to me other than make me feel dirty and wrong.

In light of so many sequels and reimagining of stories that have been previously told, I will concede that it was a novel idea, a couple of scientists try to create a new organism for financial gain, public notoriety and simply to "prove that they could do it". The characters are well thought out and Sarah Polley and Adrian Brody do not disappoint, but it's not enough.

The movie goes to a dark, dirty and wrong place in a way that leave you covering your eyes because you don't want to admit that it's happening. The killer part is that it just keeps happening!*!@!!@#!!!! Unless you want to have a complex about sex, skip this one.

Rating: 3.5/10 nest-ability

Predators

Predators

Running Time: 107 minutes

Summary: Chosen for their ability to kill without conscience, a group of killers, some trained and some who are not, must endeavour the alien race of predators that have set out to target them as prey. Dropped into the vast jungle of a distant world, these human predators must learn just who, or what, they are up against, and that their ability, knowledge and wits are tested to the limits in the battle of survival of kill or be killed.

Review: This movie kicked some serious predator ass. If you were a fan of the original predator movie, this is an absolute DO NOT MISS. I will full admit to not going into this movie with very high expectations. I mean, Adrian Brody in an action movie? Not exactly the guy you image in a predator movie, right?

Those who loved the original predator will know the specific brand of fear that the movie cultivates, the panic that comes from not being able to see your enemy, the horror when you realize what your enemy really is. This brilliant offering from a director named Nimod fully encompasses these emotions. I cannot wait to go back and watch it again to see where the Predator is hiding in all of the scenes.

They introduce a little bit of a twist on the Predator character which is very interesting. I plays up some of the ideas presented in movies like Alien vs Predator and does what that crap movie was not able to. It delivers.

I will say that there are some lame bits to the movie. Topher Grace and Laurence Fishburne both have a couple random plot points with their characters, but even this does not take away from the bad-ass-ness of this Predator movie.

Best Quote: Stans - "Man let me tell you, if I get out of here... I'm going to do so much fucking cocaine. I'm gonna rape so many bitches... Yeah, it's after 5:00? Time to do some coke and rape some fine bitches. You know what I'm saying?"

Edwin - "Oh yeah, totally 5 o'clock Bitch raping time."
 
Rating: 9/10 action movie nest-ability

Iron Man 2

Iron Man 2

Running Time: 125 minutes

Summary: With the world now aware of his dual life as the armored superhero Iron Man, billionaire inventor Tony Stark faces pressure from the government, the press, and the public to share his technology with the military. Unwilling to let go of his invention, Stark, along with Pepper Potts, and James "Rhodey" Rhodes at his side, must forge new alliances - and confront powerful enemies.

Review: When Iron Man came out it was like somebody let the air back into the room, once again my love for big budget superhero movies was rekindled. I immediately fell in love with Tony Stark's (and consequently Robert Downey Jr.'s) bad boy/genius image. I loved the rapid-fire tirades that he was able to pull off, the chemistry between him and Pepper (the first time that I have seen Gwenyth Paltrow have chemistry with anyone), solid storyline and the kick-ass action sequences.

In true sequel style, this film attempts to capitalize on the success of it's better done predecessor by recycling the same sort of jokes and introducing some completely unnecessary new characters. I understand that Marvel Studios utilized this film as a tie in for the upcoming Avengers and Captain America movies, but really?

The story is too complicated for an action movie, too much is going on. If they had simply focused on developing Mickey Rourke's Ivan Vanko instead of weaving their tangle mess of subplots, I may have been able to get through it without looking at the clock every 15 minutes.

Sidebar: Is it just me or is it really difficult to watch anything with Mickey Rourke in it without flashbacks to 9 1/2 Weeks?

Best Quote: Justin Hammer - "I'd love to leave my door unlocked at night, but this ain't Canada."

Rating: 6.5/10 nest-ability

A Nightmare on Elm Street

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Running Time: 95 minutes

Summary: Death stalks the dreams of several young adults to claim its revenge on the killing of Freddy Kruger. Chased and chastised by this finger-bladed demon, it is the awakening of old memories and the denials of a past of retribution that spurns this hellish vision of a dreamlike state and turns death into a nightmare reality.

Review: I was anxiously anticipating this reimagining of the classic Nightmare on Elm Street films. I would say that by far, these were the most terrifying movies of my childhood. Like many of my peers, I hold a soft spot in my heart for Robert Englund and his version of Freddie, but being a big fan of Jackie Earle haley, I was excited to see what he could bring to the table.

This movie definitely did not disappoint me. The movie starts out with a bang and doesn't let you relax again until the credit roll. It did an excellent job of keeping you guessing, I really didn't know who would be the next to die!

Thanks to the previous Freddie movies, there wasn't much of a surprise story wise, but the nightmares were vivid and real and I really did believe the terror on each character's face. (Apparently many things were done on set to constantly unnerve the actors and keep them ill at ease)

Can't wait for the next one :)

Best Quote: Freddy Krueger -[Kris finds her dog mangled] "I was just petting him."

Rating: 9 nests out of 10

Robin Hood

Robin Hood

Running Time: 140 minutes

Summary: Birth of a legend. Following King Richard's death in France, archer Robin Longstride, along with Will Scarlett, Alan-a-Dale and Little John, returns to England. They encounter the dying Robert of Locksley, whose party was ambushed by treacherous Godfrey, who hopes to facilitate a French invasion of England. Robin promises the dying knight he will return his sword to his father Walter in Nottingham. Here Walter encourages him to impersonate the dead man to prevent his land being confiscated by the crown, and he finds himself with Marian, a ready-made wife. Hoping to stir baronial opposition to weak King John and allow an easy French take-over, Godfrey worms his way into the king's service as Earl Marshal of England and brutally invades towns under the pretext of collecting Royal taxes. Can Robin navigate the politics of barons, royals, traitors, and the French?

Review: Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott team up again to bring you a historical take on the classic Robin Hood story. Crowe plays Robin Longstride, an archer in King Richard's army who, after the King's death, deserts his fellow soldiers in the hope of getting the first ship back to England. Epic sized coincidences ensue which place our dear Robin on the road towards Nottingham and his destiny as "Robin of the Hood".

Almost at the two and a half hour mark, this movie is the longest of any Robin Hood film, and let me tell you, you notice.

It really is a beautifully made film, the cinematography and scenic English countryside make for a movie that is pretty, if not wayyyyy to long! The all star cast and complex story do a good job of keeping your attention for most of the film but at about an hour into the movie and no conflict has yet come into the plot, you start to wonder exactly how much longer this is going to take.

The highlight of the movie is surprisingly, the addition of Great Big Sea front man Alan Doyle to the band of Merry Men. His musical stylings fit right in to this medieval setting. He did look a little bit like a gorilla at times, but it was a small price to pay.

The movie ends with Robin and his band of Merry Men moving into Sherwood Forest because there is "no tax, no tides, no rich, no poor, fair trades at the table".

Sounds like a sequel to me. God help us.

Rating: 6 nests out of 10

The A-Team

The A-Team

Running Time: 117 minutes

Summary: A group of Iraq War veterans looks to clear their name with the U.S. military, who suspect the four men of committing a crime for which they were framed.

Review: Being born in the same year that the A-Team debuted on television, I was never a fan of the show. My only knowledge of the series were any "Pity the Fool" Mr. T references.

My limited understanding of the premises of the show is that this rag tag group of former soldiers travel the world creating elaborate, if not completely implausible action sequences/plans to help the innocent while on the run from the military.

Have you ever watched a movie with one of those people that just can't keep up? The type that constantly leans over and whispers "Why did they just steal that briefcase again?" This movie has been made for those people. The A-Team treats you as the dumbest possible form of movie goer. The movie repeatedly flash backs to things that happened only a few minutes earlier! It's ridiculous. The running time of this movie is 1 hour and 57 minutes with only 57 minutes of original content. The rest is just played over and over again.

That aside the movie does have some kick-ass action sequences. They do, of course, border on the impossible (although Jon does argue that a bunch of airbags could float a train container), but at least it was entertaining.

Don't watch this movie if you want to exercise your brain; save it for a hungover Sunday.

Best Quote: B.A. Baracus - "I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world, then runs home cryin' to his momma!"

Rating: 4 nests out of 10

Hot Tub Time Machine

Hot Tub Time Machine

Running Time: 99 minutes

Summary: Four guy friends, all of them bored with their adult lives, travel back to their respective 80s heydays thanks to a time-bending hot tub.

Review: I must start by saying that I don't really feel like I was able to really give this movie a shot. Why, you ask? Well, without really thinking through what the possible content of this movie would be, I decided to watch this movie with.... my dad.

I have no one to blame but myself. Next time I think I will go with something safe, like a western.

Thankfully, my dad was able to doze off through some of the more offensive scenes, but it's not to say that the iclectic variety of curse words which are used or the scenes where copious amounts of drugs are consumed weren't a little awkward, however, I have to say the scene where you watch the "Violator" do Jacob's mom doggystyle which he screams the below quote was probably the icing on the cake.

Wow.

The story is funny and featurs some of my all time favorite actors, such as John Cusack and Chevy Chase. I have a thing for deadpan comedy so Craig Robinson has recently been added to that list as well. However, I do think that if they had used the word "fuck" about half as much, it would have given the hilarious one liners more of a chance to shine.

Best Quote: Lou - "Oh God! I'm gonna cum! Shia Lebeouf! I'm fucking Adam's sister! Dropping loads! So much fucking semen. Little Tiny Jacobs!"

Rating: 7 nests out of 10

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Running Time: 115 minutes

Summary: Set in the mystical lands of Persia, a rogue prince and a mysterious princess race against dark forces to safeguard an ancient dagger capable of releasing the Sands of Time -- a gift from the gods that can reverse time and allow its possessor to rule the world

Review: Did you ever see this video game? It's awesome! Your character can run up walls, balance on tightropes, leap from platform to platform, defying all laws of gravity!! It's very cool. This is one thing that Disney definitely didn't miss in their silver screen adaptation of this long-running video game saga. The action-sequences are clearly the standout in this movie and the authenticity of the stunts is extremely refreshing after the recent gambit of movies which rely heavily on CGI. Not to say that this movie doesn't use it's share, but more that at least when it's 2 guys fighting, it's actually 2 guys fighting.

The story and acting are passable, the only thing that comes to mind is that Ben Kingsley looks totally hot in eyeliner.

All in all I would say that it's a great Friday night movie. It kept me entertained for the entire 1 hr and 55 minutes with a complimentary combination of men without shirts and dramatic battle scenes.

Best Quote: Prince Dastan - "Ostrich racing?"

Rating: 7 nests out of 10

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Running Time: 122 minutes

Summary: During the Cold War, Soviet agents watch Professor Henry Jones when a young man brings him a coded message from an aged, demented colleague, Henry Oxley. Led by the brilliant Irina Spalko, the Soviets tail Jones and the young man, Mutt, to Peru. With Oxley's code, they find a legendary skull made of a single piece of quartz. If Jones can deliver the skull to its rightful place, all may be well; but if Irina takes it to its origin, she'll gain powers that could endanger the West. Aging professor and young buck join forces with a woman from Jones's past to face the dangers of the jungle, Russia, and the supernatural.

Review: Obviously the worst of any of the Indiana Jones movies, this one takes kitchy to an entirely new level.

Almost 20 years have passed since we last checking in on Indie and his archeological adventures. At that time he and Sean Connery were kicking German ass in the epic Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I can say without hesitation that it definitly should have been the last crusade for Indiana Jones.

The story is ridiculous and far-fetched, even for an Indiana Jones moving leaves you with more questions at the end of the movie than you had at the beginning! Why were those jumpy guys in the cemetary? Are they related at all to the guys at the temple? How did Indiana find the cemetary so quickly? Why did the knowledge burn out that chicks eyes? Why does Cate Blanchett's Ukranian accent suck so badly? Why does Shia Le Beouf wear that incrediably stupid hat at the beginning of the movie?

So many unanwsered questions.

The acting is passable and I loved the fact that the adorable Karen Allen returned to reprise her role as Marion Ravenwood. But the movie is clearly resting on the laurels of every other Indiana Jones movie, using the very same jokes and some almost identical action sequences.

Gone are the days when Indy's intelligence and bumbling luck charmed him into our heats. These days he is more "old fart" than charismatic leading man.

Best Quotes: Indiana Jones - "[crashes into a truck windshield after a failed swing from his whip] Damn, I thought that was closer..."

Rating: 4 nests out of 10

Chloe

Chloe

Running Time: 96 minutes

Summary: Catherine and David, she a doctor, he a professor, are at first glance the perfect couple. Happily married with a talented teenage son, they appear to have an idyllic life. But when David misses a flight and his surprise birthday party, Catherine's long simmering suspicions rise to the surface. Suspecting infidelity, she decides to hire an escort to seduce her husband and test his loyalty. Catherine finds herself 'directing' Chloe's encounters with David, and Chloe's end of the bargain is to report back, the descriptions becoming increasingly graphic as the meetings multiply.

Review: This movie is a lightly veiled soft core porn. If you are at the movie store on Friday night thinking, "I am really up for some porn tonight but don't want to venture into the curtained off area. What movie can I rent that looks legitimate but has a whole ton of nudity and some sexy girl on girl?", then kids, this is your movie.

Amanda Seyfried is the whore in question in this weak showing from Atom Egoyan, the talented director of The Sweet Hereafter. She is unconvincing and lacks sexual chemistry with any of the vast number of people that she sleeps with in this movie. Although usually I enjoy her performances, I can't help but being distracted throughout this entire film by the fact that if she had no hair, she would look exactly like an alien. A D+ performance at best.

Julianne Moore and her corn pop nipples co-star in the movie but really bring nothing valuable. She is so boring that you can't blame her husband for cheating on her.

The movie ends on a predictable and tiresome note, but leaves you with one question, "What was with that f#@king hairclip?"

Best Quote: Michael Stewart - "My mom is your gynecologist?"

Rating: Regular scale - 5 nests out of 10
Soft core porn scale - 7.5 nests out of 10

R.I.P Dennis Hopper

People around the world will remember Dennis Hopper by his incredible performances in movies like Cool Hand Luke, Blue Velvet and his brilliant directorial and starring role in Easy Rider.

I, on the other hand, hold a warm place in my heart for all of Dennis Hopper's horrible choices in movies. From Super Mario Brothers to the all time classic bad movie Speed. From Land of the Dead to Space Truckers.... And lest we forget the absolutly, catastrophically bad Waterworld.

Here's to you, Dennis Hopper.

Land of the Dead as Kaufman, "Zombies, man. They creep me out. "

Waterworld as Deacon, "Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy. You know, he's like a turd that won't flush."

Speed as Howard Payne, "NO! Poor people are crazy, Jack. I'm eccentric."

Unthinkable

Unthinkable

Running Time: 192 minutes

Summary: A psychological thriller centered around a black-ops interrogator and an FBI agent who press a suspect terrorist into divulging the location of three nuclear weapons sets to detonate in the U.S.

Review: Every once in a while, I come across a lesser known gem of a movie that ultimately makes my top 5 movies of they year list and restores my faith in the movie making world.

I really thought this would be one of those movies.

To my knowledge this movie never even made it into the theatre, but featured some very well known faces, Carrie Anne Moss, Michael Sheen (whom I love!) and although I should have known better, Samuel L. Jackson.

The movie starts off awesome and the first hour flies by! The story is interesting, dynamic and Michael Sheen gives a powerful performance. At about the one hour market, Samuel L. Jackson goes totally Snakes on a Plane and destroys everything that Michael Sheen and Carrie Anne Moss had worked so hard to build.

The movie ends on a totally cliche note that robs you of the last 191.5 minutes of your life.

Rating: First 60 minutes - 8 nests out of 10
Last 32 minutes - 4 nests out of 10

Hiatus

Well after a posting lapse, I am back due to extremely popular demand (pause for laughter). My sister and mom, possibly the only two people reading this, have talked me into starting to post again.

Please do not mistake this break in posting as a break in movie watching, because trust me, my movie watching levels are reaching epic proportions.

So without further adieu...

The Wolfman

The Wolfman

Running Time: 103 minutes

Summary: Lawrence Talbot, a haunted nobleman, is lured back to his family estate after his brother vanishes. Reunited with his estranged father, Talbot sets out to find his brother... and discovers a horrifying destiny for himself. Talbot's childhood ended the night his mother died. After he left the sleepy Victorian hamlet of Blackmoor, he spent decades recovering and trying to forget. But when his brother's fiancée, Gwen Conliffe, tracks him down to help find her missing love, Talbot returns home to join the search. He learns that something with brute strength and insatiable bloodlust has been killing the villagers, and that a suspicious Scotland Yard inspector named Aberline has come to investigate.

Review: Possibly the only thing worse than the wolfman make-up in this movie is Benicio Del Toro's American accent. After some discussions, Jon and I decided that the reason that Benicio Del Toro has an American accent in this England based story, is that he was incapable of doing an English accent. There is one small reference to the fact that his father sent him to live with American cousins after the death of his mother, but other than that you are forced to sit through his prepubescent squeeky American accent for no reason other than, why not?

The wolfman makeup is more remniscent of Teen Wolf than anything that your imagination could conjure. Maybe it's because I imagined something more looking more like Underworld than a mid 80s hit. Watching the werewolves run around fully clothed made it even more hilarious. I mean, seriously?

The only other thing that I can comment on is that for a movie that contains so many talented actors, Anthony Hopkins, Benicio Del Toro, Hugo Weaving, Emily Blunt. The movie fell massively short. At the end of the movie, as a werewolf howls into the lonely night and the image slowly fades to blackness, Jon and I looked at each other and said, "That's it?"

Rating: 4 nests out of 10

Gentlemen Broncos

Gentlemen Broncos

Running Time: 90 minutes

Summary: Benjamin, home-schooled by his eccentric mother, is a loner whose passion for writing leads him on an journey as his story first gets ripped off by the legendary fantasy novelist, Ronald Chevalier, and then is adapted into a disastrous movie by the small town's most prolific homespun filmmaker.

Review: Wow, this was a seriously fucked up movie. There were more than a few hilarious moments and I will fully admit to laughting out loud on several occasions, but this movie was freaking bizarre!!

It comes as no surprise to me that this is the same writer/director of both Nacho Libre and Napoleon Dynamite. It embodies that same "So awkward that I want to stop watching but can't!" feeling. The story is pretty clever if not simple and the chorus of freaks are all perfectly cast.

All in all, it was mildly entertaining and confusing and had some great one lines but if you aren't desperate for something new to watch, skip it.

Best Quote: Brutus - "Oh survelliance does, I hate those!"

Rating: 4.5 nests out of 10

She's Out of My League

She's Out of My League

Running Time: 104 minutes

Summary: An average Joe meets the perfect woman, but his lack of confidence and the influence of his friends and family begin to pick away at the relationship.

Review: Short and funny, an easy movie that doesn't have too much story and doesn't make you think too hard. This movie is moderatley funny but is peppered with a few absolutly hilarious lines. Jay Baruchel struggles a little as the leading man. He pulls off the "nice guy" role very well and the chemistry between him and Alice Eve is surprisingly natural, but you definitely see the work he has to put in in order to carry the movie.

Best Quote: Patty - "Go shit in your hand."

Rating: 6.5 nests out of 10

Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland

Running Time: 109 minutes

Summary: Alice, an unpretentious and individual 19-year-old, is betrothed to a dunce of an English nobleman. At her engagement party, she escapes the crowd to consider whether to go through with the marriage and falls down a hole in the garden after spotting an unusual rabbit. Arriving in a strange and surreal place called "Underland," she finds herself in a world that resembles the nightmares she had as a child, filled with talking animals, villainous queens and knights, and frumious bandersnatches. Alice realizes that she is there for a reason--to conquer the horrific Jabberwocky and restore the rightful queen to her throne.

Review: Meh. I was very excited to see this movie. Amazing visuals and a good trailer are generally enough to get me pretty excited about a movie, but this is definitely another one that disappoints...

There are definitely some pros. I think it goes without saying that Johnny Depp is the film's star as the Mad Hatter, so I won't dwell on it other than to say that the combination of his portrayal and the makeup and clothing are unbelievable. The unexpected treat of this movie is newcomer Mia Wasikowska as the forgetful Alice, who's biggest acting credit to date had been a small part in the German Holocaust film Defiance. The transformation that she goes through during the course of the movie is mesmerizing, and she is definitely a new young star to keep an eye on.

It's an Alice in Wonderland for a whole new generation but I remain patial to the 1951 Disney version. Can't say I didn't try though right?

Best Quote: The Mad Hatter - "When that day comes I shall futterwacken... vigorously."

Rating: 7.5 nests out of 10

Fifty Dead Men Walking

Fifty Dead Men Walking

Running Time: 115 minutes

Summary: Based on Martin McGartland's shocking real life story. Martin is a young lad from west Belfast in the late 1980s who is recruited by the British Police to spy on the IRA. He works his way up the ranks as a volunteer for the IRA whilst feeding information to his British handler and saving lives in the process.

Review: This is possibly the best movie that I have seen this year.
This movie was an unexpected gem that delivers scene after scene of genuine and award worthy performances. Jim Sturgess is absolutly phenomenal as the protagonist in this fun filled IRA romp, from beginning to end, you cannot help but be drawn in by the story and feel for each character and every character as they are torn between the country that they love and what they feel in thier hearts.

This movie is a complete MUST SEE! Do not let this film pass you by.

Best Quotes: Grace - [Martin slaps Grace on the butt] "Don't you eva do that again!"

Rating: 9.5 nests out of 10

Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation

Running Time: 115 minutes

Summary: Set in post-apocalyptic 2018, John Connor is the man fated to lead the human resistance against Skynet and its army of Terminators. But the future Connor was raised to believe in is altered in part by the appearance of Marcus Wright, a stranger whose last memory is of being on death row. Connor must decide whether Marcus has been sent from the future, or rescued from the past. As Skynet prepares its final onslaught, Connor and Marcus both embark on an odyssey that takes them into the heart of Skynet’s operations, where they uncover the terrible secret behind the possible annihilation of mankind.

Review: Well chalk one more crappy sequel up for the Terminator franchise. Not only does this movie disappoint, it bores. There was so much potential for this movie to tie in to the other movies, to create the sort of movie that Terminator fans would get excited when they figures out a specific detail's tie in to a previous movie.

My dislike for this movie may have something to do with all the negative press it received after Christian Bale's profanity rich tirade, which hit the internet during the filming, but honestly, I think it's due to the fact that this movie relied on a big budget and an existing fanbase to help it succeed instead of working harder on making the film be able to stand on it's own two legs.

Personally I was hoping for a "Batman Begins" rebirth of the franchise but instead, all we got was "Batman and Robin" the only thing missing was George Clooney.

Memorable Quotes: Duh "I'll be back." and "Come with me if you want to live"

Rating: 6 nests out of 10

The Tale of Despereaux

The Tale of Despereaux

Running Time: 83 minutes

Summary: The tale of three unlikely heroes - a misfit mouse who prefers reading books to eating them, an unhappy rat who schemes to leave the darkness of the dungeon, and a bumbling servant girl with cauliflower ears - whose fates are intertwined with that of the castle's princess.

Review: I love mice. I think they are totally adorable, and the only thing more adorable than a real mouse is a cartoon one, and the only thing more adorable than a cartoon mouse is one with gigantic ears who thinks that he is a knight.

The star of this movie is Desperaux, a tiny mouse (even by mouse standards) who never learnt the cowering and skittering qualities that a good mouse must have. Desperaux tasks himself with giving hope and happiness back to the beautiful princess of the Kingdom of Dor. Right from the beginning you are rooting for this underdog to overcome his challenges and to rise to success.

The movie is funny and cute, a great family movie, and although it lacks the sort of humor that make Finding Nemo and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs so good. It makes up for it with its wholesome and hearty story.

The funny thing about this movie is that the story is about the characters conquering their challenges and that there is more to a person (or mouse)than meets the eye, it also really enforces stereotypes! Rats are deciveing and disgusting. Mice are timid and skittish. There are are two exceptions to these rules but at the end of the movie, the two exceptions remain. None of the characters changed or grew... For such a warm and fuzzy ending, I was surprised that in the end, the moral of the story was that "People don't change. Just accept it."

Best Quote: Narrator - "Of course, destiny is a funny thing. We go out to meet it and we don't always know that we are."

Rating: 7 nests out of 10

Surveillance

Surveillance

Running Time: 98 minutes

Summary: Somewhere deep inside the Santa Fe desert there have been a number of blood curdling murders...a real killing spree. The local police station is in disarray. Captain Billings, Officers Degrasso and Wright have apprehended three witnesses: Officer Jack Bennet, one of their own, tough, but affected by recent events; Bobby, young, high as a kite on cocaine; and Stephanie, eight years old, who has just witnessed her family being brutally murdered by two figures dressed in jumpsuits, gloves, boots, and horrifyingly disfiguring latex masks. The FBI is now involved, and as the witnesses tell their stories one by one to the FBI agents who have now taken over, the murderous events unravel before our eyes. It becomes clear, however, that little Stephanie knows something more. And then three more bodies have been found...

Review: Baaaaad movie! The only reason that I was able to get through this movie is because it started at the end and slowly revealed the events to you. It at least kept me interested to a point where I wanted the blanks filled in. Even after viewing the entire movie (which I figured out in the first 15 minutes), I was left scratching my head, key plot points were missing. The next day I was still asking Jon, "Well how did they get in the car?" "Now, who was the one who shot the cop?".

On top of the story having massive holes, it was also really weird, to the point of being disturbing... Watching Frech Stewart in a movie is punishment enough, without watching him dry hump an old bald guy.

It was pretty surprising to see bigger name actors, Julia Ormond and Bill Pullman in the lower budget thriller but the thing is, it wasn't the acting that was bad about this movie... It was all in the story.

Don't waste your time.

Best Quote: Mom (played by Cheri Oteri)[before being shot] - "I'm not... having... a very... good... time."

Rating: 3 nests out of 10

Informant!

The Informant!

Running Time: 108 minutes

Summary: Mark Whitacre has worked for lysine developing company ADM for many years and has even found his way into upper management. But nothing has prepared him for the job he is about to undertake - being a spy for the FBI. Unwillingly pressured into working as an informant against the illegal price-fixing activities of his company, Whitacre gradually adopts the idea that he's a true secret agent. But as his incessant lies keep piling up, his world begins crashing down around him.

Review: This movie is based on a true story of the highest-level executive for a Fortune 500 company to turn whistleblower. The movie is light, funny but, at times, completely painful to watch as Whitacre makes things worse and worse for himself. Time after time, Whitacre seems to dig himself deeper and deeper with his lies and ommissions of the truth. It's hard to believe that this could happen to someone in real life!

Matt Damon plays the lead role of Mark Whitacre and in addition to gaining close to 60 lbs, really gives it all to this goofy and offbeat role. The best part of the film is the voiceovers provided by Damon, commenting on everything from avocados to polar bears. A real gem in this movie is Melanie Lynskey who plays his wife, Ginger Whitacre. She gives a wonderful performance as Whitacre's unflappably committed wife.

Overall the movie was easy, entertaining and short.

Best Quote: Mark Whitacre - "I don't like wool on skin. Not even that merino wool they have at Marshall Field in Chicago. Ginger likes it because it's formfitting, but she likes avocados. And who wants that texture in their mouth?"

Rating: 6 nests out of 10

The Echo

The Echo

Running Time: 165 minutes

Summary: An ex-con moves into an old apartment building, where he encounters a domestic problem involving a police officer, his wife, and their daughter. When he tries to intervene, it appears that the apartment is empty, and he is left to discover where the noises are coming from before it's too late.

Review: Once every 6 months or so, I go to blockbuster to do some movie shopping, that is, I go through all the racks of new releases for any movies that look interesting but I had missed downloading. This movie was one of those.

I think for a scary movie/ghost story to be successful, it has to have an interesting, "getting rid of the ghosts" solution. Take The Grudge for example, that movie is so freaking scary because there is no way to get rid of them! Once they are there, you are fucked! A movie like 100 Feet, with Famke Janssen, had so much potential, but the ending was so cheesy that it killed the movie. This movie is somewhere in between the two, not a dynamite ending but it didn't suck. The story was medicorce but the scary parts are really freaking scary... There is this one part where there is a little hole in the wall.... I won't ruin it for you but trust me, it gave me the willies!

Excellent B-grade, Saturday afternoon, scary movie.

Best Quote: Alyssa - "You let a lot of people down when you left." (Bobby went to jail cause he accidentlly killed a guy that was trying to rape her. What a bitch.)

Rating: 6 nests out of 10

Shutter Island

Shutter Island

Running Time: 138 minutes

Summary: Drama is set in 1954, U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels is investigating the disappearance of a murderess who escaped from a hospital for the criminally insane and is presumed to be hiding on the remote Shutter Island.

Review: It is a pretty rare thing for Jon and I to go see a movie in the theatre but the new Martin Scorcese definitely caught my eye. The trailers and plot summaries I read before seeing it, sold it as sort of a supernatural thriller/mystery. And as you may have noticed by now, that is my cup of tea.

It was definitely not what I expected.

This movie is definitely more of a "Who Done It" than anything else. The premesis of the movie is that a woman has gone missing on the remote island/mental institute for the crtimally insane, Shutter Island. Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo play US Marshals who are sent to help find a woman who has gone missing. As the two men try to solve the mystery of what happened to her, they discover there is much more to Shutter Island than meets the eye. The story was very intricate and has that wonderful "Scorcese" feel to it, the layers of subtext and twists just keep coming and coming with the big twist at the end, making you want to watch the movie again from the beginning immediately. The book that this movie is based on is already reserved for me at the library!

The casting was well done. Leonardo DiCaprio, who I sometimes have trouble seperating from other roles that he has played, seemed like he has finally found a character that he can't just apply his usual formula to and whatever he did worked. Mark Ruffalo(who I love in EVERYTHING) was great but could have had more screen time. Even Ted Levine (formerly Buffalo Bill of Silence of the Lambs) was extrememly memorable in his few minutes as the creepy Warden of the mental hospital.

After I got over my preconceptions that the story was supernaturally driven, I really began to enjoy this movie. It wasn't one that I would have chosen to go see in the theatre if I had known what the story really was, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.

Best Quote: Teddy Daniels "Baby, I love this because you gave it to me, but it is one fuckin ugly tie."

Rating: 7.9 nests out of 10

Holes

Holes

Running Time: 111 minutes

Summary: When Stanley Yelnats IV (LaBeouf) is wrongfully convicted of stealing, he is sent to 'Camp Green Lake'. At this camp, the Warden (Weaver), and her two henchman, Mr. Sir (Voight) and Dr. Pendanski (Nelson) command the campmates to dig holes after hole after hole. But for what reason? Stanley plans to find out.

Review: Due to my love of the written word, I am very critical of book to movie adaptations, and if I know a movie is based on a book, I try to read the book before I see the movie. I did not have the pleasure of reading this beloved children's novel before seeing this gem so I didn't know what to expect and had nothing to compare to.

Disney delivers yet another wonderful family film with an ending to guarantee a warm and fuzzy all over. The plot is intelligent and well thought full of revelation and twists. The characters are lovable and full of personality. The dialogue is cute and clever. This mainly adolescent cast carries this film with skill and humor. Sigourney Weaver is sufficiently evil as the greedy Warden and Jon Voight who plays the spiteful "Mr. Sir" is surprisingly funny and quirky.

Best Quote: The Warden Walker - "Are you trying to be funny, or do you think I'm stupid?"
Armpit - "I wasn't trying to be funny."

Rating: 6 nests out of 10

The Collector

The Collector

Running Time: 85 minutes (Thank God)

Summary: Desperate to repay his debt to his ex-wife, an ex-con plots a heist at his new employer's country home, unaware that a second criminal has also targeted the property, and rigged it with a series of deadly traps.

Review: From the creators of Saw come this disgusting, disturbing and frusterating horror movie of brutal proportions.

The movie follows an ex-con turned handyman named Arkin as he attempts to rob his new boss, interrupting a psyco who is trying to slaughter the family currently living there. Somehow, Arkin decides that it is his responsibility to save the family from their impending tortures and chaos ensues.

As far as the new genre of horror movies go (I mean the horror movies that are more about disgusting violence and making your stomach churn, rather than focusing suspense or atmosphere) this one is pretty good. The story is pretty original and the traps are at least clever.

There were parts where I definitely couldn't watch in fear of puking up the chicken wings that I had just attempted to eat, and there were parts where I was actually yelling at the screen to try to knock some sense into our would-be hero, but at least it was better than the last Saw movie.

Best Quote: None. Most of the movie's dialogue consisted of heavy breathing, Arkin shushing people and lots of screaming.

Rating as a movie in general: 4 nests out of 10
Rating as a disgusting horror movie: 8.5 nests out of 10

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Running Time: 109 minutes

Summary: A young boy named Darren Shan meets a mysterious man at a freak show who turns out to be a Vampire. After a series of events Darren must leave his normal life and go on the road with the Cirque Du Freak and become a Vampire.

Review: Every once in a while, I come across a movie that makes me want to go back in time so that I can watch it again for the first time. Generally it's a lesser know film, something that managed to slip through the cracks of the general public of moviegoers. A movie that has a quality that makes me want to watch it all the way through and then rewind (back when we had to) and watch it all over again. Movies like Shaun of the Dead, Closer, 28 Days Later...

Cirque du Freak has grabbed me this way as well.

The movie's story is based on a graphic novel of the same name and although I initally though it was more of a children's story, after seeing the movie and hearing some of the mature content and language, I am surprised that I ever thought that. I would say that the only short coming of this movie is that it leaves you with a complete cliffhanger ending with no sign of a second film in the works!! Suffice it to say that I went online immediately and reserved all 4 books at my local public library and am very excited to see what happens next!

The star of this movie is clearly John C Reily. In pretty much everything I have seen him in he has been exceptional. In this film he is brooding and funny, his comic timing is exceptional; he is an absolute pleasure to watch. The Cirque freaks are sprinkled with many memorable faces, Salma Hayek, Patrick Fugit, Orlando Jones, Wilem DaFoe, Jane Krakowski, who are all wonderful in their roles.

In summary, this is a great movie that is deceivingly adult. The characters are well written and interesting, the story is fast paced and exciting, this movie is a must not miss!

Best Quote: Larten Crepsley - "Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I am so excited to be here in an anonymous small town that used to have character but is now just a bland suburb filled with chain stores and surrounded by slum. [awkward silence in audience] It really is a pleasure to be here. And I am SO honoured that bla bla bla and so on and so forth and excetera adnosium."

Rating: 8.5 nests out of 10

Legion

Legion

Running Time: 104 min

Summary: An out-of-the-way diner becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race. When God loses faith in humankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity's only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner with the Archangel Michael

Review: When trailers for Legion started running, I was very excited to see this movie. The snippets of the film that were shown in the trailer, were pretty freaky and all around bad-assed. The scene with the old lady/demon who climbs up the walls, the totally creepy ice cream man/freaky spidery demon, etc. It looked pretty cool and I am a sucker for big budget fantasy/horror.

The movie definitely let me down. The story wasn't anything remarkably original... end of the world-this... savior of mankind-that... fallen angel leaves heaven to help mankind... blah blah blah... What I was really excited for were the fight scenes! The action! The different scary demon scenes! Instead of action, what I got was a movie that focused far too much on devloping the mirriad of randoms that end up trapped in this diner as the apocolypse draws nearer. The point of these people is only to entertain us with their deaths as slowly, one-by-one, they all die stupid, pointless deaths, I don't care if they won't let Tyrese see his kid, I don't care that Charles S. Dutton questioned the existance of God when he lost his arm.

Honestly, I expected more from a writer/director who was on the senior writing staff of films like Sin City and Live Free or Die Hard. This movie is definitely not something to write home about but is good for a Sunday afternoon sort of entertainment.

Best Quote: Gladys Foster (creepy old lady/wall climbing demon)[happily] "I said your fucking baby's gonna burn."

Rating: 5 nests out of 10

Amelia

Amelia

Running Time: 111 minutes (felt like 180 minutes)

Summary: Amelia Earhart, a Kansas girl, discovers the thrill of aviation at age 23, and within 12 years has progressed to winning the Distinguished Flying Cross for being the first woman to pilot a plane solo across the Atlantic Ocean. At age 39, she sets out on an attempt to circumnavigate the globe, an adventure that catapults her into aviation myth.

Review: Wow. This movie was brutal. Jon picked this movie cause he works in aviation and we watch pretty much anything that has an airplane or helicopter in it.

Within the first few minutes of the movie I was already totally annoyed, thought Hilary Swank was a man, was totally grossed out by Richard Gere and wondering what else we had to watch.

How embarassing is it to have unbelievable characters in a biography!!?!?! The story is already there, even a lot of the dialogue is there (many of Amelia Earhart's own poetry and journal entries were used). It was solidly disappointing. Hilary Swank did not give any sort of enbodyment to a woman that was so widely known and loved as America's Sweetheat. Richard Gere was pathetic and completely unbelievable as her love-torn husband. All of their scene together were embarassing and awkward.

The history parts were interesting but there wasn't enough to carry this film.

It was as if the movie didn't know what it wanted to be, so instead of doing one thing well it did 10 poorly. It was part biography, part history, part love story, part crap. The only way that we were able to make it through the last half hour of this movie were by making very tasteless jokes about plane crashes and being lost at sea. Don't waste your time with this one folks, it will just bring out the worst in you.

Rating: 1.5 nests out of 10

Best Quote: Amelia Earhart - "What kind of a name is Gore?" (Speaking to a young Gore Vidal)

In the Loop

In the Loop

Running Time: 101 minutes

Summary: The US President and UK Prime Minister fancy a war. But not everyone agrees that war is a good thing. The US General Miller doesn't think so and neither does the British Secretary of State for International Development, Simon Foster. But, after Simon accidentally backs military action on TV, he suddenly has a lot of friends in Washington, DC. If Simon can get in with the right DC people, if his entourage of one can sleep with the right intern, and if they can both stop the Prime Minister's chief spin-doctor Malcolm Tucker rigging the vote at the UN, they can halt the war. If they don't... well, they can always sack their Director of Communications Judy, who they never liked anyway and who's back home dealing with voters with blocked drains and a man who's angry about a collapsing wall.

Review: There is something about dry, British humor that really appeals to me, especially dry, British humor puncuated with frequent verbal tirades in which the use of the words cunt and cock are prevalent. Believe me, this movie does not disappoint.

The story in this movie is simple but effective. The British secretary of State has a brain fart and says some ridiculous comments on TV and the radio, one indicating that a war is "unforseeable" and one indicating that in order to have peace we must "climb the mountain of conflict". This verbal diarrea causes a chain of events in Britain and the US that result in him and his staff at a UN vote, trying to stop a war and save his job in the meantime. The comedic acting in this movie is exceptional. Anyone that can get out the line, "Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your 'purview' and ram it up your shitter with a lubricated horse cock!" without deterriorating into hysterics is amazing in my book.

In the Loop grabs your attention within the first couple minutes with it's vulgar yet clever banter and does not let you go until the last few minutes. It was crass, comical, vulgar and rude but most importantly this movie was very well written and cast extremely well. All of the characters deliver thier lines perfectly with immpecable comic timing. Well done!

Best Quote: There were sooooo many!! I will try to be selective though.

Michael Rodgers - "No, no, no, you needn't worry about the Canadians, they're just happy to be there.[pause] Yes, well, they always look surprised when they're invited."

Malcolm Tucker - "You get sarcastic with me again and I will stuff so much cotton wool down your fucking throat it'll come out your arse like the tail on a Playboy bunny."

Malcolm Tucker - "Y'know, I've come across a lot of psychos, but none as fucking boring as you. You are a real boring fuck. Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, CUNT!"

8 nests out of 10

Franklyn

Franklyn

Running Time: 95 minutes

Summary: Preest is a masked vigilante detective, searching for his nemesis on the streets of Meanwhile City, a monolithic fantasy metropolis ruthlessly governed by faith and religious fervor. Esser is a broken man, searching for his wayward son amongst the rough streets of London's homeless. Milo is a heartbroken thirty-something desperately trying to find a way back to the purity of first love. Emilia is a beautiful art student; her suicidal art projects are becoming increasingly more complex and deadly.

Review: As soon as this movie was finished, Jon said, "Well that's an hour and a half of my life that I am never getting back." and that is pretty much this movie in a nutshell.

This movie is an excellent example of a good trailer that lures in unsuspecting movie-goers and sucks away their time with its worthless tripe. I have never been a huge fan of movies that start with a bunch of seperate stories that eventually all come together, and this movie did nothing to change my opinion of them.

The acting wasn't too bad, starring Eva Green (of new Bond fame), Ryan Phillipe and Bernard Hill (of tons of movies but more recently King Theoden of the Lord of the Rings trilogy) but the story was seriouly lacking and it ended up being more confusing than anything. The story jumps between three stories set in mordern day London and one story set in the religious fervor of "Meanwhile City". The story is tough to follow at best and only starts to make even a glimmer of sense at about minute 85. To top it all off, just now, as I write this I realize that after watching this atrocity of a film, I have no idea who or what was Franklyn?

Best Quote: Preest - "These days, you can form a congregation simply based on washing-machine instructions."

3 nests out of 10

Daybreakers

Daybreakers

Running Time: 98 minutes

Summary: In a world 10 years into the future, vampires make up the vast majority of the population with only 5% of the human race remaining. This presents particular challenges as the vampires' food supply - human blood - is dwindling and rationing is now the norm. There is growing evidence that vampires deprived of an adequate blood supply are themselves evolving into wild, vile creatures that attack anyone and anything in order to survive. Dr. Edward Dalton, a vampire and hematologist who works for a pharmaceutical firm, has been working on finding an artificial blood supply that will meet the vampire society's needs. He is sympathetic to humans and sees his work as a way of alleviating their suffering but his views on finding a solution change considerably when he meets someone who found a way to transform himself from being a vampire to again take human form.

Review: There is something to be said about a movie that is less than an hour and a half. Personally, I like my movies a little bit longer but there is nothing better than getting a quick B-grade movie fix on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

This isn't a "good" movie persay, but it definitely kept me interested. I am a serious fan of horror movie, zombie movies specifically but there isn't much I won't watch. The movie plot is pretty original. A world being taken over by vampires is slowly starving due to the depleting supply of human blood. After you get past Willem DaFoe's sorry excuse for an accent, it's quite entertaining!

A decent amount of gore, action and not too horrendous acting make this movie highly entertaining. If vampires are your thing, don't miss this one!

Best Quote: Elvis - "Living in a world where vampires are the dominant species is about as safe as bare backing a 5 dollar whore."

6 nests out of 10