A Nightmare on Elm Street

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Running Time: 95 minutes

Summary: Death stalks the dreams of several young adults to claim its revenge on the killing of Freddy Kruger. Chased and chastised by this finger-bladed demon, it is the awakening of old memories and the denials of a past of retribution that spurns this hellish vision of a dreamlike state and turns death into a nightmare reality.

Review: I was anxiously anticipating this reimagining of the classic Nightmare on Elm Street films. I would say that by far, these were the most terrifying movies of my childhood. Like many of my peers, I hold a soft spot in my heart for Robert Englund and his version of Freddie, but being a big fan of Jackie Earle haley, I was excited to see what he could bring to the table.

This movie definitely did not disappoint me. The movie starts out with a bang and doesn't let you relax again until the credit roll. It did an excellent job of keeping you guessing, I really didn't know who would be the next to die!

Thanks to the previous Freddie movies, there wasn't much of a surprise story wise, but the nightmares were vivid and real and I really did believe the terror on each character's face. (Apparently many things were done on set to constantly unnerve the actors and keep them ill at ease)

Can't wait for the next one :)

Best Quote: Freddy Krueger -[Kris finds her dog mangled] "I was just petting him."

Rating: 9 nests out of 10

Robin Hood

Robin Hood

Running Time: 140 minutes

Summary: Birth of a legend. Following King Richard's death in France, archer Robin Longstride, along with Will Scarlett, Alan-a-Dale and Little John, returns to England. They encounter the dying Robert of Locksley, whose party was ambushed by treacherous Godfrey, who hopes to facilitate a French invasion of England. Robin promises the dying knight he will return his sword to his father Walter in Nottingham. Here Walter encourages him to impersonate the dead man to prevent his land being confiscated by the crown, and he finds himself with Marian, a ready-made wife. Hoping to stir baronial opposition to weak King John and allow an easy French take-over, Godfrey worms his way into the king's service as Earl Marshal of England and brutally invades towns under the pretext of collecting Royal taxes. Can Robin navigate the politics of barons, royals, traitors, and the French?

Review: Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott team up again to bring you a historical take on the classic Robin Hood story. Crowe plays Robin Longstride, an archer in King Richard's army who, after the King's death, deserts his fellow soldiers in the hope of getting the first ship back to England. Epic sized coincidences ensue which place our dear Robin on the road towards Nottingham and his destiny as "Robin of the Hood".

Almost at the two and a half hour mark, this movie is the longest of any Robin Hood film, and let me tell you, you notice.

It really is a beautifully made film, the cinematography and scenic English countryside make for a movie that is pretty, if not wayyyyy to long! The all star cast and complex story do a good job of keeping your attention for most of the film but at about an hour into the movie and no conflict has yet come into the plot, you start to wonder exactly how much longer this is going to take.

The highlight of the movie is surprisingly, the addition of Great Big Sea front man Alan Doyle to the band of Merry Men. His musical stylings fit right in to this medieval setting. He did look a little bit like a gorilla at times, but it was a small price to pay.

The movie ends with Robin and his band of Merry Men moving into Sherwood Forest because there is "no tax, no tides, no rich, no poor, fair trades at the table".

Sounds like a sequel to me. God help us.

Rating: 6 nests out of 10

The A-Team

The A-Team

Running Time: 117 minutes

Summary: A group of Iraq War veterans looks to clear their name with the U.S. military, who suspect the four men of committing a crime for which they were framed.

Review: Being born in the same year that the A-Team debuted on television, I was never a fan of the show. My only knowledge of the series were any "Pity the Fool" Mr. T references.

My limited understanding of the premises of the show is that this rag tag group of former soldiers travel the world creating elaborate, if not completely implausible action sequences/plans to help the innocent while on the run from the military.

Have you ever watched a movie with one of those people that just can't keep up? The type that constantly leans over and whispers "Why did they just steal that briefcase again?" This movie has been made for those people. The A-Team treats you as the dumbest possible form of movie goer. The movie repeatedly flash backs to things that happened only a few minutes earlier! It's ridiculous. The running time of this movie is 1 hour and 57 minutes with only 57 minutes of original content. The rest is just played over and over again.

That aside the movie does have some kick-ass action sequences. They do, of course, border on the impossible (although Jon does argue that a bunch of airbags could float a train container), but at least it was entertaining.

Don't watch this movie if you want to exercise your brain; save it for a hungover Sunday.

Best Quote: B.A. Baracus - "I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world, then runs home cryin' to his momma!"

Rating: 4 nests out of 10

Hot Tub Time Machine

Hot Tub Time Machine

Running Time: 99 minutes

Summary: Four guy friends, all of them bored with their adult lives, travel back to their respective 80s heydays thanks to a time-bending hot tub.

Review: I must start by saying that I don't really feel like I was able to really give this movie a shot. Why, you ask? Well, without really thinking through what the possible content of this movie would be, I decided to watch this movie with.... my dad.

I have no one to blame but myself. Next time I think I will go with something safe, like a western.

Thankfully, my dad was able to doze off through some of the more offensive scenes, but it's not to say that the iclectic variety of curse words which are used or the scenes where copious amounts of drugs are consumed weren't a little awkward, however, I have to say the scene where you watch the "Violator" do Jacob's mom doggystyle which he screams the below quote was probably the icing on the cake.

Wow.

The story is funny and featurs some of my all time favorite actors, such as John Cusack and Chevy Chase. I have a thing for deadpan comedy so Craig Robinson has recently been added to that list as well. However, I do think that if they had used the word "fuck" about half as much, it would have given the hilarious one liners more of a chance to shine.

Best Quote: Lou - "Oh God! I'm gonna cum! Shia Lebeouf! I'm fucking Adam's sister! Dropping loads! So much fucking semen. Little Tiny Jacobs!"

Rating: 7 nests out of 10

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Running Time: 115 minutes

Summary: Set in the mystical lands of Persia, a rogue prince and a mysterious princess race against dark forces to safeguard an ancient dagger capable of releasing the Sands of Time -- a gift from the gods that can reverse time and allow its possessor to rule the world

Review: Did you ever see this video game? It's awesome! Your character can run up walls, balance on tightropes, leap from platform to platform, defying all laws of gravity!! It's very cool. This is one thing that Disney definitely didn't miss in their silver screen adaptation of this long-running video game saga. The action-sequences are clearly the standout in this movie and the authenticity of the stunts is extremely refreshing after the recent gambit of movies which rely heavily on CGI. Not to say that this movie doesn't use it's share, but more that at least when it's 2 guys fighting, it's actually 2 guys fighting.

The story and acting are passable, the only thing that comes to mind is that Ben Kingsley looks totally hot in eyeliner.

All in all I would say that it's a great Friday night movie. It kept me entertained for the entire 1 hr and 55 minutes with a complimentary combination of men without shirts and dramatic battle scenes.

Best Quote: Prince Dastan - "Ostrich racing?"

Rating: 7 nests out of 10

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Running Time: 122 minutes

Summary: During the Cold War, Soviet agents watch Professor Henry Jones when a young man brings him a coded message from an aged, demented colleague, Henry Oxley. Led by the brilliant Irina Spalko, the Soviets tail Jones and the young man, Mutt, to Peru. With Oxley's code, they find a legendary skull made of a single piece of quartz. If Jones can deliver the skull to its rightful place, all may be well; but if Irina takes it to its origin, she'll gain powers that could endanger the West. Aging professor and young buck join forces with a woman from Jones's past to face the dangers of the jungle, Russia, and the supernatural.

Review: Obviously the worst of any of the Indiana Jones movies, this one takes kitchy to an entirely new level.

Almost 20 years have passed since we last checking in on Indie and his archeological adventures. At that time he and Sean Connery were kicking German ass in the epic Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I can say without hesitation that it definitly should have been the last crusade for Indiana Jones.

The story is ridiculous and far-fetched, even for an Indiana Jones moving leaves you with more questions at the end of the movie than you had at the beginning! Why were those jumpy guys in the cemetary? Are they related at all to the guys at the temple? How did Indiana find the cemetary so quickly? Why did the knowledge burn out that chicks eyes? Why does Cate Blanchett's Ukranian accent suck so badly? Why does Shia Le Beouf wear that incrediably stupid hat at the beginning of the movie?

So many unanwsered questions.

The acting is passable and I loved the fact that the adorable Karen Allen returned to reprise her role as Marion Ravenwood. But the movie is clearly resting on the laurels of every other Indiana Jones movie, using the very same jokes and some almost identical action sequences.

Gone are the days when Indy's intelligence and bumbling luck charmed him into our heats. These days he is more "old fart" than charismatic leading man.

Best Quotes: Indiana Jones - "[crashes into a truck windshield after a failed swing from his whip] Damn, I thought that was closer..."

Rating: 4 nests out of 10

Chloe

Chloe

Running Time: 96 minutes

Summary: Catherine and David, she a doctor, he a professor, are at first glance the perfect couple. Happily married with a talented teenage son, they appear to have an idyllic life. But when David misses a flight and his surprise birthday party, Catherine's long simmering suspicions rise to the surface. Suspecting infidelity, she decides to hire an escort to seduce her husband and test his loyalty. Catherine finds herself 'directing' Chloe's encounters with David, and Chloe's end of the bargain is to report back, the descriptions becoming increasingly graphic as the meetings multiply.

Review: This movie is a lightly veiled soft core porn. If you are at the movie store on Friday night thinking, "I am really up for some porn tonight but don't want to venture into the curtained off area. What movie can I rent that looks legitimate but has a whole ton of nudity and some sexy girl on girl?", then kids, this is your movie.

Amanda Seyfried is the whore in question in this weak showing from Atom Egoyan, the talented director of The Sweet Hereafter. She is unconvincing and lacks sexual chemistry with any of the vast number of people that she sleeps with in this movie. Although usually I enjoy her performances, I can't help but being distracted throughout this entire film by the fact that if she had no hair, she would look exactly like an alien. A D+ performance at best.

Julianne Moore and her corn pop nipples co-star in the movie but really bring nothing valuable. She is so boring that you can't blame her husband for cheating on her.

The movie ends on a predictable and tiresome note, but leaves you with one question, "What was with that f#@king hairclip?"

Best Quote: Michael Stewart - "My mom is your gynecologist?"

Rating: Regular scale - 5 nests out of 10
Soft core porn scale - 7.5 nests out of 10

R.I.P Dennis Hopper

People around the world will remember Dennis Hopper by his incredible performances in movies like Cool Hand Luke, Blue Velvet and his brilliant directorial and starring role in Easy Rider.

I, on the other hand, hold a warm place in my heart for all of Dennis Hopper's horrible choices in movies. From Super Mario Brothers to the all time classic bad movie Speed. From Land of the Dead to Space Truckers.... And lest we forget the absolutly, catastrophically bad Waterworld.

Here's to you, Dennis Hopper.

Land of the Dead as Kaufman, "Zombies, man. They creep me out. "

Waterworld as Deacon, "Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy. You know, he's like a turd that won't flush."

Speed as Howard Payne, "NO! Poor people are crazy, Jack. I'm eccentric."

Unthinkable

Unthinkable

Running Time: 192 minutes

Summary: A psychological thriller centered around a black-ops interrogator and an FBI agent who press a suspect terrorist into divulging the location of three nuclear weapons sets to detonate in the U.S.

Review: Every once in a while, I come across a lesser known gem of a movie that ultimately makes my top 5 movies of they year list and restores my faith in the movie making world.

I really thought this would be one of those movies.

To my knowledge this movie never even made it into the theatre, but featured some very well known faces, Carrie Anne Moss, Michael Sheen (whom I love!) and although I should have known better, Samuel L. Jackson.

The movie starts off awesome and the first hour flies by! The story is interesting, dynamic and Michael Sheen gives a powerful performance. At about the one hour market, Samuel L. Jackson goes totally Snakes on a Plane and destroys everything that Michael Sheen and Carrie Anne Moss had worked so hard to build.

The movie ends on a totally cliche note that robs you of the last 191.5 minutes of your life.

Rating: First 60 minutes - 8 nests out of 10
Last 32 minutes - 4 nests out of 10