RED

RED

Running time: 111 minutes

Summary: When his idyllic life is threatened by a high-tech assassin, former black-ops agent Frank Moses reassembles his old team in a last ditch effort to survive.


Review: We have officially entered my absolute favorite time of the year! Awards season!! For those of you not in the know, the start of awards season means that I can download DVD quality of movies that are just in the theatre and in some cases, even before they are out in the theatre. RED was one of these releases.

Let me start by saying, possibly repetitively that I have a serious hard on for Bruce Willis, apparently even as he plays a retiree as he does in this movie. This movie boasts an all star cast of "old" favorites. Each one was perfectly chosen to play their role and don't let you down as they deliver performances that are extremely well done, if not a little campy at times.

I would not necessarily have chosen Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren for an action movie but their calm and collected demeanor are exactly what you would expect from former CIA agents that are "RED" or "Retired and Extremely Dangerous".

The movie moves quickly and I found myself laughing aloud at some of the dialogue. It introduces the characters carefully and although there are many of them to get to know, I thought that you were provided with just enough background to make them relatable but not too much that it slowed down the story. The movie was a well done, light-hearted delight with a talented ensemble cast.

Best quote: Marvin Boggs -"Why are you trying to kill me?"
                  Frank Moses -"Like why would I be trying to kill you?"
                  Marvin Boggs - "Because last time we met I tried to kill you."
                  Frank Moses - "That was a long time ago."
                  Marvin Boggs - "Some people hold on to things like that."

Rating: 8.5/10 nestability

Tell-Tale

Tell-Tale

Running time: 92 minutes

Summary: In Providence, a husband and wife die in a botched robbery; we see flickers of his last memories. His heart goes to Terry Bernard, a single father raising a girl with a rare degenerative disease. After the operation, Terry has flashes of memory from the last moments of the dead donor's life. Then, he recognizes one of the donor's killers and follows him into an alley. Within days, Terry becomes an unwilling avenger, with a police detective on his trail. Meanwhile, he begins a romance with his daughter's doctor, his moods complicated by memory flashes, the donor's deepening presence in both Terry's mind and body, and the unexplained bond among the donor's killers. Can this end well?

Review: Somehow this movie slipped beneath my radar and I discovered it after a desperate scrounge on my hard drive for something that we haven't seen yet. And what a wonderful surprise!

Tell-Tale was such a nice little treat. Not too long obviously, and full of familiar faces and plot twists to keep you interesting for it's duration. Josh Lucas does a pretty good job of carrying this movie as our antagonizing protagonist, surprising because the only other thing I remember him in was Sweet Home Alabama (upon further investigation I discovered that I would also have seen him in timeless classics such as Stealth and the 2006 remake of Poseidon).

Anyway, if you find yourself at your local video store and think you have seen everything worth seeing, pick up this little number.

Rating: 7/10 nestability

The Last Airbender

The Last Airbender

Running Time: 97 minutes

Summary: Air, Water, Earth, Fire. Four nations tied by destiny when the Fire Nation launches a brutal war against the others. A century has passed with no hope in sight to change the path of this destruction. Caught between combat and courage, Aang (Noah Ringer) discovers he is the lone Avatar with the power to manipulate all four elements. Aang teams with Katara (Nicola Peltz), a Waterbender, and her brother, Sokka (Jackson Rathbone), to restore balance to their war-torn world.

Review: How can a director making amazing actor so bad?? M. Night Shyamalan is possibly the worst thing that has happened to the movie industry since James Cameron's ego.

This movie was totally and completely BRUTAL. The story was obviously there but the execution was sooooooo bad! The acting was horrible, characters lacked any sort of depth or believability. Even the action sequences did nothing to redeem this D-grade production from the infinitely disappointing Shyamalan. The worst bit was the kid that plays the long awaited Avatar. It was just pitiful. They should have shaved Dakota Fanning's head and put her in the role instead.

Rating: 2.3/10 nestability

Best Quotes: Me - "Shut up Slumdog, go back to your shit hut in India and stop wasting my time."

Knight and Day

Knight and Day

Running Time: 102 minutes

Summary: June Havens finds her everyday life tangled with that of a secret agent who has realized he isn't supposed to survive his latest mission. As their campaign to stay alive stretches across the globe, they soon learn that all they can count on is each other.

Review: Every once in a while I am able to be completely surprised by a movie. I know, shocked, I am judgemental, but for the most part, it's pretty accurate. I was curious about this movie but because of my preexisting dislike for Cameron Diaz, I wasn't planning on giving this one much of a chance.

Well, I was very happy to be mistaken.

The movie is completely enjoyable! A very carefully calculated mish-mash of action/thriller and romantic comedy! Tom Cruise's character is charming, refreshingly honest and exciting. Even, Cameron Diaz is surprisingly funny and entertaining. They even managed to hold the cheese at bay until right at the end, where it seeps in and I find myself back to eye-rolling and heavy sighing and Cameron Diaz's dumb ass.

Anyhoo, a perfect date movie.

Best Quote: Milner - "Nobody follow us or I kill myself and then her! "

Rating: 8/10 nestability

Salt

Salt

Running Time: 99 minutes

Summary: Evelyn Salt is a CIA agent and highly respected by all, including her boss, Ted Winter. Out of the blue, a Russian spy walks into their offices and offers a vital piece of information: the President of Russia will be assassinated during his forthcoming visit to New York City to attend the funeral of the recently deceased U.S. Vice President. The name of the assassin: Evelyn Salt. Concerned about the safety of her husband, who she cannot contact, she goes on the run. Winter refuses to accept that she is a mole or a double agent but her actions begin to raise doubts. Just who is Evelyn Salt and what is she planning?

Review: The only way that I am going to get that 99 minutes back is if it Doc Brown shows up in his Delorian. What a waste.

The only thing more predictable than the story of this movie was the fact that from within the first 10 minutes I knew that this was going to be a massive waste of my time and snacks. If I wanted to watch a show where I knew exactly what was coming next, I would have re-runs of the Deadliest Catch, at least then I would have been entertained.

Although it was predictable, the story had some potential. Unfortunately it was poorly done, poorly acted and poorly cast. Stick with what you know Angelina, go expand your troupe of unwanted rug rats, pretty soon you will be able to compete with Duggar's for largest family of neglected and indistinguishable brats.

And maybe I am superficial, but when an actor wears a bad wig in a movie and pretends that it's real hair, I can't get past it! It distracts me the entire time, and Angelina wears some brutal wigs!

Best Quote: Evelyn Salt - "I'm not a goddamn Russian spy." (No, what she is is a bad f**cking actor)

Rating: 4/10 nestability

Get Him to the Greek

Get Him to the Greek

Running Time: 1 hour and 49 minutes

Summary: Aaron Greenberg (Hill) gets things done. The ambitious 23-year-old has exaggerated his way into a dream job just in time for a career-making assignment. His mission: Fly to London and escort a rock god to L.A.s Greek Theatre for the first-stop on a $100-million tour. His warning: Turn your back on him at your own peril. British rocker Aldous Snow (Brand) is both a brilliant musician and walking sex. Weary of yes men and piles of money, the former front man is searching for the meaning of life. But that doesn't mean he cant have a few orgies while he finds it. When he learns his true love is in California, Aldous makes it his quest to win her back right before kick-starting his world domination.

Review: Well yet another hilarious release from the genius that brought you Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Although this movie doesn't have the polish or mainstream appeal of either film, it offers a hilarious repertoire of comedy genius. I mean, you just can't expect just anyone to enjoy a well timed "dildo in the face" joke.

Russell Brand is hilarious as Aldous Snow and although a movie starring this character would be way too much, Jonah Hill makes a brilliant foil for his non-stop partying. Even P-Diddy or Puff Daddy or Sean Combs or whatever the f**k his name is was hilarious in it! Some of the best lines in this movie were his alone! Even Rose Byrne and Elisabeth Moss, two actresses known for playing more serious roles lend themselves well delivering their carefully crafted dialogue with precision and perfect comic timing.

Anyway, great movie, if you have any appreciation for the direction that comedy is currently heading in, don't miss this movie!

Best Quotes: Sergio Roma - "You can't outrun me! I'm black!"

Sergio Roma - "Do you have any ideas how many Air Jordans six black kids wear?"

Rating: 8.5/10 nestability

Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D

Running Time: 83 minutes

Summary: Every year the population of sleepy Lake Victoria explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 for Spring Break, a riot of sun and drunken fun. But this year, there's something more to worry about than hangovers and complaints from local old timers; a new type of terror is about to be cut loose on Lake Victoria. After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the areas new razor-toothed residents.

Review: Nothing says ladies night like a 3D horror movie, right? Well that is apparently what it says to my group of girlfriends. A spur of the moment decision to brave the Saturday night crowd at my local cineplex could have ended extremely poorly. As luck would have it, we got our tickets quickly, there was no line for snacks and we got perfect seats in the near empty theatre! One would think that it was destined! It was meant to be! This movie is going to be a perfect cap to this evening!

Nope.

Piranha 3D is a colorful romp in the world of topless co-eds swimming in piranha infested waters. It covers all the bases: copious amounts of fake boobs, full frontal nudity, lesbian underwater ballet, gratuitous violence and gore, totally cheesy one liners. Everything that one needs to entertain oneself! And all in 3D!!

I understand that this movie was supposed to be a parody. Everything about it is campy and cheesy. But I mean seriously? Aren't we, as the movie going public, better than this? Thinking about the story (I use the word loosely) later, I realized that they really did have every opportunity to make it awesome. They could have simplified the story, focused more on the main characters instead of just creating characters so we paid attention when they died later. I think that they tried too hard to make this movie a joke and forgot that people were actually paying to see this.

Don't watch this movie unless you are super hung over.

Sidebar: I have yet to see a 3D movie before. My boyfriend is colorblind and the previous 3D technologies do not work for colorblind people and we have yet to test out the new technology, but WOW! It was awesome! The 3D floating dick was an especially nice touch. Now I know why people like Avatar! They were so distracted by how cool it looked that they forgot that the entire story was stolen from Fergully: The Last Rainforest!

Best Quote: Derrick Jones [last words] "Wet t-shirt... wet t-shirt!"

Rating: 5.5/10 nestability